In BE-tween all the parties, all the concerts, all the movies, all the dining there is great sadness.
Sadness instill by many phenomenon, mostly just from knowing that I've lived to age 53 - many years past my nephew Ronnie age 27, many years past my cousin in-law Pam age 33, many years past a highly admired friend and niece Lisa age 31, one year past a new friend Rocksan age 52 - only to find out that there is nothing to it, mortal life that is, and perhaps there is nothing to spiritual life as well; we shall see, or not.
In BE-tween there is quiet.
In the quiet there is only me - no husband, no daughter, no mother, no father, no sister, no brothers, no aunts, no uncles, no fancy car, no palatial house, no high-ranking job title, no endorsement contracts, no pending negotiations - just me.
I could learn desire even to hate the quiet, to prefer the noise.
If this is not purgatory then what is; it certainly feels and lives like it is.
Half-in half-out, kinda sorta, almost could be, close to but not quite, incomplete both spiritually and mortally.
Suspended somewhere in BE-tween.
We are disconnected and estranged from God, so the Bible and its proponents tell us, and we are far more disconnected and estranged from one another, so human history tells us.
Not spiritually whole, and not fully enlightened humanly.
We exist somewhere in BE-tween verity and malevolence.
Life hits and misses like a radio band on a long cross country ride - static, bacon frying and beautiful music each fading in and out, out and in - no constant wave of experience only the ripples somewhere in BE-tween.
Humanity spending millennia side-by-side yet never truly ourselves nor true to each other – spending more time judging, loathing and distancing ourselves from each other (like Obama did Rev. Wright) than we spend asking ourselves why: why do we think and feel and behave the way we do?
Living blindly in BE-tween.
Secrets, lies, cover ups, closeted, repressed, make believe, denial, delusions, pretense, more lies . . . we are more comfortable with than the truth; we are more comfortable with than we are with each other.
And it sho' ain't no secret that many are absolutely afraid to die, myself included.
We all don't necessarily live, but we surely all die - afraid or not.
We exist in BE-tween God and huMAN.
Sometimes I resent God and myself.
I resent God because they told me that God is responsible for creating this half-in half-out, kinda sorta, almost could be, close to but not quite, incomplete twofold spirit and corporeal existence. I resent myself for not having anything worthy to show for either: body or soul.
I resent God for not making Their Divine Nature, Purpose and Self clear to me! I resent God for Their faulty radio-wave-long-distance-static-bacon-frying communication.
I resent myself for desiring of the world the nothingness that it offers.
I resent the fact that neither of my resentments does me any good, nor does my free will.
I resent being in BE-tween.
Sadness instill by many phenomenon, mostly just from knowing that I've lived to age 53 - many years past my nephew Ronnie age 27, many years past my cousin in-law Pam age 33, many years past a highly admired friend and niece Lisa age 31, one year past a new friend Rocksan age 52 - only to find out that there is nothing to it, mortal life that is, and perhaps there is nothing to spiritual life as well; we shall see, or not.
In BE-tween there is quiet.
In the quiet there is only me - no husband, no daughter, no mother, no father, no sister, no brothers, no aunts, no uncles, no fancy car, no palatial house, no high-ranking job title, no endorsement contracts, no pending negotiations - just me.
I could learn desire even to hate the quiet, to prefer the noise.
If this is not purgatory then what is; it certainly feels and lives like it is.
Half-in half-out, kinda sorta, almost could be, close to but not quite, incomplete both spiritually and mortally.
Suspended somewhere in BE-tween.
We are disconnected and estranged from God, so the Bible and its proponents tell us, and we are far more disconnected and estranged from one another, so human history tells us.
Not spiritually whole, and not fully enlightened humanly.
We exist somewhere in BE-tween verity and malevolence.
Life hits and misses like a radio band on a long cross country ride - static, bacon frying and beautiful music each fading in and out, out and in - no constant wave of experience only the ripples somewhere in BE-tween.
Humanity spending millennia side-by-side yet never truly ourselves nor true to each other – spending more time judging, loathing and distancing ourselves from each other (like Obama did Rev. Wright) than we spend asking ourselves why: why do we think and feel and behave the way we do?
Living blindly in BE-tween.
Secrets, lies, cover ups, closeted, repressed, make believe, denial, delusions, pretense, more lies . . . we are more comfortable with than the truth; we are more comfortable with than we are with each other.
And it sho' ain't no secret that many are absolutely afraid to die, myself included.
We all don't necessarily live, but we surely all die - afraid or not.
We exist in BE-tween God and huMAN.
Sometimes I resent God and myself.
I resent God because they told me that God is responsible for creating this half-in half-out, kinda sorta, almost could be, close to but not quite, incomplete twofold spirit and corporeal existence. I resent myself for not having anything worthy to show for either: body or soul.
I resent God for not making Their Divine Nature, Purpose and Self clear to me! I resent God for Their faulty radio-wave-long-distance-static-bacon-frying communication.
I resent myself for desiring of the world the nothingness that it offers.
I resent the fact that neither of my resentments does me any good, nor does my free will.
I resent being in BE-tween.
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